


if at first you don't succeed

by buhnebeest



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Crack, Dick Jokes, M/M, Size Kink, bottom!Kirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:36:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buhnebeest/pseuds/buhnebeest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m sorry, it’s just… So you’re a grower, huh?” He doesn’t mean for his voice to go all squeaky at the end there, but it did, and there’s nothing he can do about it now, so there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if at first you don't succeed

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted October 6th 2010 [at my journal](http://buhnebeest.livejournal.com/3132.html#cutid1)

  
  
  
“Oh my fucking _God_.”  
  
The words leave his mouth before Jim can stop them, just this burst of shocked awe that needs to come out and let itself be known.  
  
Bones glares at him and Jim snaps his mouth shut quickly, biting his lip hard to keep in a nervous giggle. Jesus.  
  
“Jim, I swear to God…”  
  
“I’m sorry, it’s just… So you’re a grower, huh?” He doesn’t mean for his voice to go all squeaky at the end there, but it did, and there’s nothing he can do about it now, so there.  
  
“Yes,” Bones sighs, reaches down to rub a thumb over Jim’s lower lip, “I warned you this would happen, didn’t I?”  
  
Jim tunes back to two minutes ago, when he snapped and pushed Bones against the wall in the nearest bathroom stall between classes and ripped open his cadet red pants with fumbling fingers, and Bones was saying, “… seriously, Jim, you’re gonna need prep, lots of it…”, and Jim ignored him, because honestly, how big could it be?  
  
Really fucking big, apparently.  
  
He stares back down at Bones’ dick and swallows, hard, a weird mixture of giddy excitement and foreboding traveling up his spine.  
  
“Jim…” Bones murmurs, and Jim licks his lips, eyes trailing back up to his face slowly.  
  
They stare at each other for one really uncomfortably lustfilled moment.  
  
“So. Tonight?”  
  
**  
  
Jim spends the entire day trying valiantly to stop thinking about Bones’ dick and its properties in relation to Jim. It’s a lost cause, because not thinking about it is making him think about it, and Jim’s imagination is really very deft in this arena, and also _Bones’ dick is fucking massive._  
  
Jim is not ashamed to admit he’s a cockslut. He’s actually rather proud of it, because if you’re gonna take it up the ass you gotta do it right, right? So Jim’s not a stranger in getting his ass plowed by the well-endowed, but he’s never ever seen a dick as huge as Bones’, and is rather fascinated in a morbidly curious kind of way.  
  
Besides, they’ve been headed here for a while now, some heated kisses here and too-long stares there, and actually Jim has been looking forward to this a whole lot, because Bones just exudes this heady ‘I will ruin you for everyone else’-vibe that’s been getting Jim hot and bothered since the first day they met. Also, he’s kind of totally in love with him, maybe? Yeah.  
  
Except Jim didn’t know Bones was hiding _that_ in his pants.  
  
**  
  
“It would take _hours_ of foreplay,” Jim tells Gaila nervously as they wait together for Bones’ classes to finish, “I mean, think about the biggest cock you’ve ever seen, right? Then add 2.47 centimeters length and .36 centimeters diagonal. _God_.”  
  
They’re sitting on Uhura’s bed, playing strip-yahtzee – Gaila won’t play games unless it has the word ‘strip’ in it somewhere – and Jim just can’t stop talking about it, even though Gaila is already down a little black dress and a lacy bra and idly playing with her breasts. Gaila is extremely excited by the prospect of Jim getting it on with Bones’ ginormous dick and is dissipating Jim’s fears while encouraging his fantasies accordingly.  
  
“He’d fuck your throat so hard, you wouldn’t be able to talk the next morning.” she croons, closing her eyes and pinching a dark green nipple, “You could have him come all over your _face_.”  
  
“I _know_.” Jim whines, rolling the dice. Yahtzee, rock on, and Gaila takes off her panties delightedly as Jim writes down his points. When he looks back up, she’s gazing at him hotly, her hand hidden between her legs.  
  
“You would be so pretty, Jim, all stretched out and begging for it.” she moans dreamily, and Jim hands her the vibrator absent-mindedly before he leaves, already thinking about getting stretched out.  
  
**  
  
He selects the biggest dildo he has for it, which makes it a really big one, though it’s still not as big as Bones. The very idea is still a little mindboggling, and Jim is already half-convinced he enhanced the goddamn thing in his head. He must have, right?, otherwise Bones wouldn’t even be able to walk normally, seriously.  
  
He strips down and makes himself comfortable on Bones’ bed, lube and dildo at the ready. He strokes himself to full hardness, thinking about how Bones is gonna find him like this when he gets back from class, on Bones’ bed, the clearest message he could think of, and how Bones is gonna take him hard and rough, God yes, and he’s writhing and moaning on the sheets, ass slick and full of sparkly purple silicone when Bones gets home.  
  
“Damnit, Jim,” he growls, dropping his bag on the floor with a heavy thunk that sends Jim’s heart racing excitedly, “Knew you’d start without me.”  
  
“Just… oh… getting ready… oh fuck…”, and Bones is already taking off his uniform, stripping down efficiently and kneeling next to Jim on the bed, his eyes dark as he watches Jim push in the purple toy enthusiastically. Jim stares at Bones’ dick where it’s getting hard and growing, and actually, maybe they can just do handjobs? and then Bones is batting his faltering hand away, replacing it with his own.  
  
Bones somehow knows exactly what angle to fuck the toy in, rubbing the tip of the unyielding plastic against his prostate insistently. Jim arches off the bed, gasping for air, and by the time Bones pulls it out Jim is so far gone he can’t even remember why he was skittish about this, and he starts moaning for it, begging Bones to fuck him already.  
  
He leans over him, kisses him nice and dirty, and then asks “You sure?” in a raw voice that has Jim gasp, “ _Yes_ , yeah, c’mon-”  
  
Bones starts pressing in slowly.  
  
**  
  
“It’s too big.”  
  
Gaila stares at him, wonder in her eyes, and Jim nods frantically, _I know, right!_ with barely contained disbelief.  
  
“But you even… the Silver Tiger…”  
  
“It’s bigger than the Silver Tiger, Gaila.” he says mournfully, “It’s a fucking monster.”  
  
Gaila leans back against the wall of the Engineering faculty building, mouth open in shock. Jim joins her, sagging carefully against the sleek bricks, staring up at the gray somber sky and craving a conciliatory cigarette as he waits for her to process.  
  
“Did you at least suck him?” she silence-breaks curiously after a while, and Jim sighs glumly.  
  
“Teeth.”  
  
Gaila winces sympathetically.  
  
“We jerked each other off, and it was awesome, don’t get me wrong. Just…”  
  
“Pride?”  
  
“Pride.”  
  
Jim sighs again, remembers Bones kissing him comfortingly until he stopped feeling bad about it, and wishes he could have the comforting kisses without feeling bad about anything, preferably with his ass sore and fucked out in the good way.  
  
Gaila pokes him in the side to get his attention.  
  
“How did he fuck anyone before?”  
  
“His wife was part Ski-faa.” Jim explains, feeling another flare of jealousy at the thought of it, “Stretchy muscles.”  
  
Gaila purses her lips thoughtfully, then suddenly looks up at him, grinning like a shark.  
  
“Stretchy muscles, huh?”  
  
**  
  
Jim is allergic to Orion tensility cream.  
  
**  
  
Jim is also allergic to Gliruf pollen (said to make one forget one’s boundaries), Yasterlang lubrication (‘You won’t even feel the frlix rubbing your vuu anymore!’ the label says encouragingly) and Chiran Medicinal Powder for Everyday Use (Jim’s not sure what it’s for, but it was on sale, so…)  
  
Jim foregoes the Flirian slime tonic, because the guy selling it won’t look him in the eye, but he’s willing to go for the Too’kla calming salve if the saleslady can guarantee him there aren’t any clidds in there-  
  
“Damn it, Jim, will you stop it with the alien voodoo!”  
  
**  
  
Jim is on his stomach on the bed, hugging the pillow tightly as Bones leans over him, so close, and whispers huskily in his ear how pretty he is, and how Bones likes him just like this, trembling and pliant for him.  
  
Jim spreads his legs a little more in response, so Bones can press closer, his dick snug between Jim’s lube-slick thighs, thick cockhead bumping against his balls and the smooth skin just behind them. Jim’s gasping, arching up into it, rolling his hips along with the smooth slip and slide of Bones’ thrusts. His own dick is rubbing at the sheets incessantly, soft friction, and Jim comes like that, face pressed into the pillow to muffle his moans as his empty asshole clenches uselessly.  
  
Bones follows him soon after, groaning in his ear and striping Jim’s ass and back with his come, a ridiculous amount. Bones moves them on their sides, pulls Jim close against his chest, and Jim feels warm and fuzzy and safe and more determined than ever.  
  
**  
  
They’ve been at the Database for General Information, section 134B (Sex and You, a Guide for the Adventurous Entrepreneur) for five hours when Jim reads the words ‘… if all else fails, try Gliruf pollen.” and completely loses it.  
  
“This is useless, Gaila!” he declares helplessly, “I’m never gonna get fucked again!”  
  
Gaila scowls, slaps the back of his head sharply, making him gasp in pain and stumble forward against the console.  
  
“This is quitter-talk, Jim! Are you a quitter?”  
  
Jim stares at her in shock, reaching for his head protectively.  
  
“…no?”  
  
“Then don’t just stand there!” she exclaims, pushing at his shoulder, “I gave up sex with you so you could try monogamy with the hot doctor. I demand good stories in recompense! You will spend the entire weekend on your fist if you have to!”  
  
Jim swallows, because she’s actually rather scary right now, but she also raises a good point, because he hasn’t tried fisting yet. As prep, Jesus.  
  
Gaila glares, eyes narrowing dangerously, and says slowly “Not. Tried. Fisting. Yet?” in the creepiest voice Jim’s ever heard.  
  
“…I’m just gonna go and-”  
  
“Get out of my sight.”  
  
**  
  
So Jim’s just eased his thumb inside when Bones gets home.  
  
“Nnnnngh.” Jim says in greeting, because he’s got his entire fucking hand up his ass, and also this mid-air-squat position is not a very comfortable one, which he should have thought about beforehand, but alas, hindsight is 20/20, all that jazz.  
  
“ _Jim_ ,” Bones says, like it’s punched out of him, and is beside him in seconds, stroking his hand up and down his trembling thigh soothingly, “Take it out, c’mon.”  
  
“No.” Jim gasps stubbornly, because it’s working damn it, he’s stretched wide, and Bones can finally fuck him after this, and it will be glorious.  
  
“Out.” Bones orders, pulling at Jim’s wrist carefully, and Bones has all the leverage, damn it, and Jim cries out as his hand comes free. His legs drop down on the bed, shaking, and his cock actually hardens a bit in relief, the traitor.  
  
“You’re an idiot,” Bones says fondly, leaning forward to kiss him soundly on the lips, “We’ll make it work. I’m just too big for you.”  
  
“I don’t care.” Jim blurts out, too bummed out to be polite about it, “I love fucking, okay? I really fucking love it. And I love you too, even more than fucking, but I would still really love it if the two things I love best can come together. And with that, I mean I want to come while you fuck me.”  
  
Bones stares at him, his eyebrow dangerously close to his hairline.  
  
“That was beautiful, Jim.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Bones’ mouth quirks, which makes Jim grin triumphantly as Bones reaches for his dropped bag beside the bed.  
  
“All right, then.” he says, dropping a latex glove and an extra bottle of lube on the bed. “Turn over.”  
  
**  
  
Hours later, Jim comms Gaila.  
  
“Success.” he says smugly, and grins at her excited squeals, followed by an annoyed ‘Gaila, it’s _4 am_ ’ in Uhura’s voice. From behind him, Bones grunts sleepily, his arm tightening around Jim’s waist and his awesome cock bumping against Jim’s thigh, and Jim feels happy and glowy and _satisfied_.


End file.
